Oh, The Woes Of The Spa World....

I'm sure that the economy has affected us all to some point by now, unfortunately in my tiny little bit of the world it's hit hard. As you all know what I do isn't something that people NEED rather it's something people want. So the first thing families begin to cut back on are the type of services our spa offers. I mean when you think about paying the water bill or getting a facial I think flowing water is going to win every time. We still get clients in for the 'necessities' such as brow and lip waxes but that, my friends, isn't going to help me pay my water bill! I haven't posted in forever simply because there isn't anything to post. Unless you want to hear about me counting the ceiling tiles or packing on 5 pounds because I don't have anything else better to do than eat, damn you Las Palmas. It's scary to think that I just spent $9,000 for an education that unfortunately I might have to set aside to take a job that I can actually make money doing. I've been perusing Craigslist and such and there aren't any esthy positions, but I have noticed an increase in rooms available to rent. Well, yeah..who can afford to pay backbar costs, advertising, and room rates when the clients aren't there anymore. Hopefully my employer won't start making cutbacks to staff. I'd be out on my duff because I don't have the loyal clientele that our other esthy brought with her. So before long I might be asking if you want fries to go with that shake. Estheticians Unite!!

Sticking it to the Man....

It's not easy being smart...no really, it's not. Things that seem pretty common sense to me give other folks a hard time. Lets take, for example, beer; lots of people drink beer, right? And everyone drinks the same kind...OK so at this point you're scratching your head saying what the hell does this have to do with skincare? It does, I swear, I'm just taking the long scenic route to get there. As you know I belong to a couple of message boards that discuss skincare products, clothes, etc., and without fail on one of these boards on a daily basis someone talks about how high end skincare is a waste of money. The argument here is that the ingredients list is exactly the same between a $5 product and a $195 product so they must be the same product. Hence my beer analysis above. Beer, if you broke it down to ingredients, is basically the same. So if you buy into the theory that matching ingredient lists equal matching products then everyone drinks the same beer because there isn't any difference...right? Hell no, not right. Lets take two beers in different price ranges, on the cheap end you got your Natural light(known the world over as Natty light)on the other end of the spectrum you have a Heineken. Do they taste the same? No, you know why? Ingredients. Just because it lists the same ingredients doesn't mean that each company uses the same quality or quantity of said ingredients. Same with skincare, just because they match doesn't make them the same product. So drink your Natty Light and keep buying your cheapo $5night cream, thinking your sticking it to the man. When you finally figure out that $5 cream isn't doing jack for your skin you can reach me at (615)***-**** and I'll educate you on the importance of quality. Estheticians Unite!!

Stuck In A Skincare Rut....

You ever notice how hard it is for people to make changes? I had a client in today for a facial that had really bad skin but she was adamant that she was happy with the product line she's using. Her skin was full of congestion and she had lots of active breakouts, but according to her she really likes what her current routine was doing for her...What?!? You mean you like breakouts and using something that isn't right for your skin type? She's not the only one I've ran into with this sort of mindset and it's annoying. Believe it or not I'm not the kind of esthetician that sells you a product just so I can make my wee little commission. If I suggest a product for you then it's because I think you need it...badly. I've even told clients to call me if they are in a store and want to know if the product they are thinking of purchasing is a good one. So it's not that I'm trying to sell the client MY products from MY spa...I'm just trying to put her on the right path for her skin. After 15 minutes of painful extractions and lots of good exfoliation the client felt her skin and exclaimed over how smooth and soft it felt rather than the shoe leather scaly texture she normally contends with after her at home cleansing. Amazing huh?, I actually know what I'm talking about most of the time, still blows my mind! When we got back up to the reception area I thanked her for coming in suggested another appointment and to my surprise she actually purchased a product that will work wonders on her over processed skin. Hot damn I finally got through to one...Estheticians Unite!!

You Have A Great Labia...

Never, and I do mean never, did I think those words would ever come out of my mouth. OK, OK, but I was in college and experimenting everyone did it, but I digress. Not only have I said this particular string of words but I probably say them at least 3 to 4 times a week. Women really need affirmation that their Happy Place isn't freaking me out. I've seriously had women ask if theirs looked normal compared to all the others I see. Like they've been in the bathroom with a mirror looking at it and questioning its normalcy. To be honest I never gave the look of mine much thought, well except post baby. Don't smirk...you know you had your doubts yours would shrink back down after something the size of a watermelon came out. But after that I rarely thought anything of it, until I became an esthetician. The day our school taught waxing was quite a revelation. We started with brows working our way down and with each new part the teacher asked for volunteers to be waxed and hands flew up, eager to participate. From the back of the classroom I began to hear faint mumblings of discontent and rebellion. Clustered together were a group of girls each with wide eyes and looks of fear. I ambled over to see what we were gossiping about and the girls told me they weren't volunteering for the bikini wax because they thought they might have ugly Happy Places...huh, aren't they all pretty much ugly? Functional, but not something I'd want to have a picture of framed over the couch. I don't have a modest bone in my body so to me this was weird and I brushed it off as a few discontented souls, but the more I wax out in the field the more I see a pattern. Women need to know they are just like the one before and like the one to follow. So even if they aren't I nod, smile and assure them whatever their working with is just like everyone elses. So while your down there waxing make sure you give all the Happy Places positive reviews. Estheticians Unite!

Really I'm Not A Slacker....

Yes I know it's been awhile since I've posted anything, but honestly we are so slow right now I don't have anything to post. The senior esthetician of our staff explained to me that summer is a horrid couple of months for our profession. I'm a believer after two months of nothingness. I don't get it, I mean people spend the bulk of the fall and winter and even spring buying wrinkle fighting creams, and bleaching skin treatments then they loose all common sense when the temperature hits 80 degrees. Which I guess I shouldn't complain about because I'll spend winter trying to bring their shoe leather looking skin back to life. Hmmm...OK, ignore the whole first paragraph of bitching and go, run, play in the pool; lay out at the beach and cook..err.. I mean tan all that lovely skin until it's brown, wrinkly, and dry as a bone. Who needs sunscreen or an umbrella? Slather on some tanning oil, or baby oil, or hey even butter(I hear it works), and bake..err..I mean tan. Then in August when you realize you look like a leather handbag instead of a suntanned Goddess you can reach me at my posh little spa in Nashville, TN. Estheticians Unite!!

I Now Know What Hives Look Like....

Can you kill someone during a facial? No really...can you? Cause I think I almost did today. One of my repeat clients had an appointment today and we decided to go crazy and use a different product line because she's very dry but otherwise good skin. So we'll use a product that's a little more active and gives a huge boost of hydration, what can go wrong....everything! Started out normal enough, cleansed her, analyzed her, went over allergies and meds, then started the facial. Finished cleansing and was moving into putting on the first mask with steam streaming over her face(has to stay moist). Her face began to turn red pretty quickly(which isn't abnormal)as I applied the mask, of course it's kind of low light so it's hard to see just how red it was getting. I plopped on eye pads and began to give a scalp massage as she steamed...ding 7 mins up, begin massage. I noticed on the first pass over her face I felt a bump on her forehead, but the mask can clump together so no worries...moving on to the cheeks. I make my pass around her brow bone and go to dig in a lift up her cheeks when I feel a row of bumps...I continue to massage thinking I don't remember bumps on her cheeks during analysis. I lean to the side to see what I can and my eye is caught by a horrific site. ALL over this wonderful lady's neck is white bumps and her skin is so red from the neck up it looks like I've tried to boil her. Holy shit she's got hives!! I must admit I panicked and stopped mid massage and was ready to give mouth to mouth if she stopped breathing. OK...breath...this is just an allergic reaction we can handle this remove the product apply cold compresses get client the hell up out of bed and insert Bendaryl. After I got all the product off, her face looked like a lobster and by now I could see the hives in all their glory. I wake her(yes she slept through the whole ordeal)and explain that she is really red and looks like she had a reaction to the product. She's calm and a good sport about it but I feel like dog shit for making her puffy and red(the day before her vacation). We proceed to the front desk with me offering to go home with her, tuck her in, and feed her chicken noodle soup(she turned me down). She laughs it off and tells me it's not big deal coulda happened to anyone and tries to tip me....are you insane keep your money better yet go buy Benadryl with it! I need tequila...Estheticians Unite!!

Never Been Waxed? Go Get A Brazillian....

I'm often curious what goes through a persons mind on a daily basis. Come on,admit it, you've seen a person wearing pants three sizes too small and a shirt that does nothing to cover their large mound of a belly and wondered what the hell where they thinking? I mean really what kind of mirror do these people own and where can I purchase one? But I digress, lately at the spa we've had a lot of newbies coming in for summer waxing. Great, good, fine, glad to wax you...but what would possess someone who has never been waxed to come in for a Brazilian?? For all you non-esthetician out there this would be the equivalent of a person who's never seen a car signing up to race in the Indy 500. Baby steps, people, baby steps! Lets start with a brow or a lip or hey go crazy and get your underarms waxed,but a Brazilian for your first wax.....inconcievable(O.K. I loved Princess Bride so shoot me). It's kind of hard to describe the pain of waxing to the uninitiated. Burning, stinging, in general it hurts like a son of a bitch; now imagine that sensation in your happy place. If nothing else get a bikini to kind of break you in, get you used to having a strange woman between your legs staring at your crotch. Trust me it's for the best. Estheticians Unite!!

Long Live The MetroSexual....

As you all know it's bathing suit season but in the world of aesthetics it's known as waxing season. Yes during this time of year I spend most of my days hunched over pulling crotch hair out of Nashville's women, but recently Metrosexual season started, oh happy day!! See you think I'm being sarcastic...but it's a nice change to leave the crotch area and work on a back, and just like crotches all backs are not created equal. I've had the guys with just a few patches on their shoulders and I've had the guys with a built in afghan covering their back(those are the best). They always seem slightly embarrassed when they enter the feminine domain of our spa and whisper that they have an appointment. I had a first timer last week and he gave me my first Kelly Clarkson moment. Unfortunately the guy had the afghan going on and it took some time to get it all off and it was hard to tell where his back hair stopped and his chest hair started. I put some wax down along his side thinking it was coming off his back and low and behold it had wrapped around from his chest...yeah it was a long appointment. He took it like a champ after the initial yell and actually re booked when I explained to him that it would go easier on him if he kept it up instead of waiting until it was three inches long to have it waxed. I did ask the guy what made him come in to have this done. I mean he was an older guy so what possessed him to wax after not doing so for all these years? He gets this faraway look in his eyes and smiles slightly and tells me his wife recently had her first Brazilian and he liked it, so he felt the least he could do was return the favor. So maybe he isn't a Metrosexual, but he's in training to become one. My metrosexuals come in tanned, toned, perfect brows and smelling of Aqcua di Gio lie down on the bed like the seasoned pros they are and tell me they prefer hard wax over strip wax and hand me their own bottle of tend skin to use afterwards...brings a tear to this Estheticians eye. We proceed to spend the next 30 minutes or so talking about reality TV, the best exfoliaters on the market and if laser hair removal is worth the pain and money. I love these guys so I say long live the Metrosexual Man. Estheticians Unite!!

Am I a Stalker Esthy?

What's the definition of a stalker? Someone who calls your house begging you to come in and see them again, e-mails trying to entice you to come back, mails you an envelope full of glossy pictures? Well...guess I'm a stalker. I've been at my new job almost two months so my employer tells me it's time to work your books. Go back through to the clients you had one month ago, call and invite them back. Sounded easy enough, right? Wrong. It's kind of like that awkward first phone call after a first date...you know you both just sit there and breath heavy into the phone trying to figure out what to say. Yeah, so my first phone call was a lovely client who I wrote fond notes of in my files; sweet, great skin, good tipper,etc... I had my spiel figured out ahead of time so it wouldn't sound stupid when I actually spoke to the lady so I launch into "Hi my name is _____, from____ I've noticed it's been a month since your last facial and we'd love to have you come back in and see us. Could I interest you in booking for another service?" I get about 30 seconds of complete silence then she says 'well you see the thing is, well I can't, well when, hmmmm, well could you hold on one minute?' Click we are disconnected. So I call again because I know that was an accident right?(Stalker mentality at work) After about ten rings she picks up again and says she's not there...I just talked to the lady five seconds ago. I know her voice, it's her, so I give in and hang up. Second call I begin my spiel she cuts me off mid sentence and starts asking me why I'm calling if she wanted a facial she'd call me, she knows the number and keeps on so I hang up on her. Third call the lady develops static that sounds mysteriously like her making noises in the background so I drop the call and call back a minute later she won't answer the phone. I just want to book some appointments people is that so wrong?? I'm just following orders is that so wrong?? I swear I won't do drive-bys...well not many. I'll let you know how next weeks stalker calls go. Estheticians Unite!!

What's That Smell?

In my short career as an esthetician I've seen a lot of scary things. No, really you'd be surprised what some women have going on. Today however I had my first extrasensory experience. It's Monday and generally that's a slow day for us so I actually get excited if I get to pull crotch hair, or any kind of hair for that matter. So when I had a bikini wax walk in I was doing cartwheels, yay something to do!! Well this was the lady's first waxing and she warned me she didn't do much upkeep down there so I pulled back the privacy towel expecting the worst and was pleasantly surprised to see normalcy(Wuuhuu!!). So I'm explaining each step of the procedure, cause she's a newbie, and as I'm doing this I'm cleansing her and putting oil down for the wax. I take one of her legs to move it to the classic number 4 position and....about lost my lunch. I've heard the horror stories, but always hoped it wouldn't happen to me,alas, there on my very own bed was a stinky crotch. She was so nice too, which for some reason makes it worse. If they're bitchy or full of themselves I consider it a nice God smack, if you will. If you've never smelled that particular smell may I suggest you go out of your way to avoid it. It lingers even after the service, all day I could swear it would waft up to torture me. Do you think it's kind of like perfume? You know after you wear perfume a week or so you can no longer smell it, maybe it's just something she's used to smelling so it no longer registers. Makes one wonder about oneself doesn't it? You know this woman doesn't know she emits such a foul odor so what if you do and don't know? How will you know? I'm asking my man tonight to do a check for the sake of mankind. May I suggest you ladies also do the same, for mankind's sake of course. Estheticians Unite!!

Why Do Your Friends Lie To You......

I've noticed a trend this waxing season, friends lying to friends. Yes folks it's true don't ever trust a friend who tells you a Brazilian doesn't hurt. THEY ARE SETTING YOU UP. Lets break this down to the lowest common denominator;Hot sticky wax+Hair on Labia+Removal by pulling=OUCH!! Without fail at least once a week I get one client who informs me 'my friend(think again)told me this doesn't hurt'. So I gently explain to them the whole hot wax over hair forcibly pulled out process. Still it doesn't seem to sink in until I make that first pull over their pubic bone and the dawning look of horror and enlightenment begins. Usually followed with phrases like ' that lying bitch' or 'I'm going to kill her'. I cluck sympathetically and continue ripping out crotch hair. Granted if you have a Brazilian done every six weeks the pain decreases because there isn't as much hair, the growth isn't as thick, and you know what to expect so you are desensitized to the pain. Please, quit sending me the naive newbies or at least slip them a Valium. Estheticians Unite!!

The Things You Read On The Internet.....

Recently while perusing the Internet I hopped on a girly beauty type board(remember the unholy trinity)and was flipping through helpful hints when I came across a disturbing article about a facial that involved 2 1/2 hours of extractions. WTF? And the client was sooooo happy with the facial she was raving about it on her board. Now let me tell you, I'll be the first to admit one of the perks of being an esthy is extractions. I just get a warm fuzzy when I press down and an inch of hardened dirt and sebum come popping up through my extractor. Seriously there have been times I wanted to run from the room extractor and extracted particle waving in front of me going,'looky what I got out isn't it awesome high fives all around!!' Unfortunately that is unprofessional, and bad karma for rebooking of the client; but I digress. 2 1/2 hours of extractions is insane, not to mention how painful it must have been. I'm amazed that any esthy would subject a client to extractions for that amount of time without benefit of Valium or Novocaine. Let me tell you if you go to get a facial and the extractions last over 10-15 mins start to cough,sneeze,wheeze,fart or anything to get your esthy moving on, your face will thank me for it. Estheticians Unite!!

Going All The Way....

Today was a momentous day in my small little world. One that shall forever be remembered as the day I went all the way in the wax room. Yes folks, that's right the dreaded BRAZILLIAN checked off my to do list. It wasn't as bad a I thought it would be, but she didn't have a lot of hair down there(Yay,no Woolly Mammoth)which I'm sure made it easier. My next waxing appointment was a treat,however, young girl wanted a bikini wax so I do my spiel about undressing, putting on paper bikini etc... So I come back in the room and she decided to opt out of the paper bikini. Fine by me that just makes it easier on me to be honest. I started the service cleaning the area and when I told her to bend her leg in I noticed a string hanging from her vagina. Now ladies, why oh why, would you come in for a wax while on your period? Not only does it hurt more than it ever would the rest of the month it's just wrong! I'm a professional so I waxed on waxed off and she left my room with a lovely little racing stripe. But the whole time I was doing the service I kept seeing myself getting wax on her string and ripping out the tampon with a strip of wax, it played over and over in my head like a bad Saturday Night Live skit. Well until next time. Estheticians Unite!!

Oh, the slow days....

Well today was less than exciting at work so since you're getting to hear about the good stuff I'm going to make you suffer through the down time. So what does an esthetician do while not making the world beautiful? Mostly we make fun of people walking by the spa, we're actually like a bunch of second graders pointing and laughing(unobtrusively of course). I had a cancellation today, the bitch, I mean that with love; but really why do you wait until the last minute when you know you're not going to make it well ahead of time. Oh, there was one bright spot in my dull day. The Lovely Lady(a.k.a L.L.) who is our lead esthy demo'd a Brazilian wax for me on our secretary. I was laughing so hard I thought I was going to piss myself. Our secretary rocks and I thought she was wonderful to allow herself to be violated so I could see the master at work, but she didn't take it well. I knew from the first strip it wasn't going to go easy on her and by the time L.L. got to her labia it was getting ugly. On goes the thick strip of blue wax and she tenses because she knows whats coming, L.L. lays down the other side and the heavy breathing starts. Honest to God when L.L. ripped off the first strip she sat straight up on the table and yelled "Fuck this". That's when I about pissed myself...hey you can't make this stuff up, trust me it happened. She didn't make it through the whole thing, after that one she was over it. That happened early so pretty much nothing was going to top that. Unfortunately the rest of the day was filled with room straightening, laundry, and selling gift cards to harried looking men. Long are the days of the bored esthetician.

To facial or not facial that is the question...

I am an avid Internet junkie so I belong to various message boards most of which have something to do with either skin care, clothing or cooking( a.k.a.The Unholy Trinity). Recently on one such board the question was posed is a facial worth the money? The board is for anyone you don't have to be an esthetician to join and I think besides myself there may be two more members who are in the same line of work(you know popping zits, ripping out crotch hair)well the general consensus was NO a facial is a waste of money. Hmmm...well to say the least, this chapped my ass a bit so let me tell the general public why facials are worth the money(I am now stepping up onto my soapbox). If you, Joe Public, are like most people on average you spend less than one minute washing your face. Yes that's right, 1 minute to wash away up to 12 hours of dirt, oil, and nastiness. Then the next morning you gaze in wonder at the large zit on the end of your nose asking why me, I washed my face last night(insert picking here). When you go to an esthetician she is going to examine your skin, and pick out the products you need to get great skin. She can tell you why your cleanser sucks, why you are breaking out, why you have dry patches, why you shouldn't pick at zits, why Seinfeld's last episode sucked. In general she is your Buddha, pay attention dammit! Yes they are expensive but so worth it, when you walk out of that spa your skin is going to be as clean as it's been since your last facial. A happy satisfied client is what we strive for, it's our best advertisement so go...run..book that facial! Estheticians unite!!

The Woolly Mammoth Returns

OK, I'm a couple weeks into my new job at a posh spa in Nashville, its going great love the area. Any who yesterday was a crazy busy day since I was the only esthy there. I had five facials and some waxing so it was intense all day. My last appointment of the day was a bikini wax great way to end it all face down in some lady's crotch, but I digress, she hadn't been waxed in...well at a guess I'd say years. The booking was for a bikini which to all the other esthys out there means what would show outside of a bikini bottom. Clients think a bikini means 'whatever I want you to wax until I tell you to stop'. Hey I'm OK with that but it's going to cost you more than the $40 you think you're going to pay. Yet again I digress, I come back into the room and the very nice lady warns me,'it's not pretty it's been awhile since I've been waxed' So I smile and say no problem and snap on my gloves. I barely hold back the shriek of horror when I remove her privacy towel. She wasn't kidding, there is hair(long hair)from mid inner thigh all the way to her anus. HOLY SHIT!!!! Well as it happens I forgot my little nippers to cut down the hair so this poor lady got waxed over hair that was almost two inches long. I couldn't find a damn pair of scissors anywhere so she was miserable, I was miserable and it took forever. I don't understand how some women can stand to let their hair grow so long. It kills me to let mine grow the 1/4 inch required to wax. In the few short weeks of my esthy career I have noticed a lot of women are sporting the 70's porn star look, who knew? My husband would die if I had the whole woolly mammoth thing going on down there. I mean doesn't it itch? Well at least their coming in to get rid of it....