Why Do Your Friends Lie To You......

I've noticed a trend this waxing season, friends lying to friends. Yes folks it's true don't ever trust a friend who tells you a Brazilian doesn't hurt. THEY ARE SETTING YOU UP. Lets break this down to the lowest common denominator;Hot sticky wax+Hair on Labia+Removal by pulling=OUCH!! Without fail at least once a week I get one client who informs me 'my friend(think again)told me this doesn't hurt'. So I gently explain to them the whole hot wax over hair forcibly pulled out process. Still it doesn't seem to sink in until I make that first pull over their pubic bone and the dawning look of horror and enlightenment begins. Usually followed with phrases like ' that lying bitch' or 'I'm going to kill her'. I cluck sympathetically and continue ripping out crotch hair. Granted if you have a Brazilian done every six weeks the pain decreases because there isn't as much hair, the growth isn't as thick, and you know what to expect so you are desensitized to the pain. Please, quit sending me the naive newbies or at least slip them a Valium. Estheticians Unite!!

The Things You Read On The Internet.....

Recently while perusing the Internet I hopped on a girly beauty type board(remember the unholy trinity)and was flipping through helpful hints when I came across a disturbing article about a facial that involved 2 1/2 hours of extractions. WTF? And the client was sooooo happy with the facial she was raving about it on her board. Now let me tell you, I'll be the first to admit one of the perks of being an esthy is extractions. I just get a warm fuzzy when I press down and an inch of hardened dirt and sebum come popping up through my extractor. Seriously there have been times I wanted to run from the room extractor and extracted particle waving in front of me going,'looky what I got out isn't it awesome high fives all around!!' Unfortunately that is unprofessional, and bad karma for rebooking of the client; but I digress. 2 1/2 hours of extractions is insane, not to mention how painful it must have been. I'm amazed that any esthy would subject a client to extractions for that amount of time without benefit of Valium or Novocaine. Let me tell you if you go to get a facial and the extractions last over 10-15 mins start to cough,sneeze,wheeze,fart or anything to get your esthy moving on, your face will thank me for it. Estheticians Unite!!

Going All The Way....

Today was a momentous day in my small little world. One that shall forever be remembered as the day I went all the way in the wax room. Yes folks, that's right the dreaded BRAZILLIAN checked off my to do list. It wasn't as bad a I thought it would be, but she didn't have a lot of hair down there(Yay,no Woolly Mammoth)which I'm sure made it easier. My next waxing appointment was a treat,however, young girl wanted a bikini wax so I do my spiel about undressing, putting on paper bikini etc... So I come back in the room and she decided to opt out of the paper bikini. Fine by me that just makes it easier on me to be honest. I started the service cleaning the area and when I told her to bend her leg in I noticed a string hanging from her vagina. Now ladies, why oh why, would you come in for a wax while on your period? Not only does it hurt more than it ever would the rest of the month it's just wrong! I'm a professional so I waxed on waxed off and she left my room with a lovely little racing stripe. But the whole time I was doing the service I kept seeing myself getting wax on her string and ripping out the tampon with a strip of wax, it played over and over in my head like a bad Saturday Night Live skit. Well until next time. Estheticians Unite!!

Oh, the slow days....

Well today was less than exciting at work so since you're getting to hear about the good stuff I'm going to make you suffer through the down time. So what does an esthetician do while not making the world beautiful? Mostly we make fun of people walking by the spa, we're actually like a bunch of second graders pointing and laughing(unobtrusively of course). I had a cancellation today, the bitch, I mean that with love; but really why do you wait until the last minute when you know you're not going to make it well ahead of time. Oh, there was one bright spot in my dull day. The Lovely Lady(a.k.a L.L.) who is our lead esthy demo'd a Brazilian wax for me on our secretary. I was laughing so hard I thought I was going to piss myself. Our secretary rocks and I thought she was wonderful to allow herself to be violated so I could see the master at work, but she didn't take it well. I knew from the first strip it wasn't going to go easy on her and by the time L.L. got to her labia it was getting ugly. On goes the thick strip of blue wax and she tenses because she knows whats coming, L.L. lays down the other side and the heavy breathing starts. Honest to God when L.L. ripped off the first strip she sat straight up on the table and yelled "Fuck this". That's when I about pissed myself...hey you can't make this stuff up, trust me it happened. She didn't make it through the whole thing, after that one she was over it. That happened early so pretty much nothing was going to top that. Unfortunately the rest of the day was filled with room straightening, laundry, and selling gift cards to harried looking men. Long are the days of the bored esthetician.

To facial or not facial that is the question...

I am an avid Internet junkie so I belong to various message boards most of which have something to do with either skin care, clothing or cooking( a.k.a.The Unholy Trinity). Recently on one such board the question was posed is a facial worth the money? The board is for anyone you don't have to be an esthetician to join and I think besides myself there may be two more members who are in the same line of work(you know popping zits, ripping out crotch hair)well the general consensus was NO a facial is a waste of money. Hmmm...well to say the least, this chapped my ass a bit so let me tell the general public why facials are worth the money(I am now stepping up onto my soapbox). If you, Joe Public, are like most people on average you spend less than one minute washing your face. Yes that's right, 1 minute to wash away up to 12 hours of dirt, oil, and nastiness. Then the next morning you gaze in wonder at the large zit on the end of your nose asking why me, I washed my face last night(insert picking here). When you go to an esthetician she is going to examine your skin, and pick out the products you need to get great skin. She can tell you why your cleanser sucks, why you are breaking out, why you have dry patches, why you shouldn't pick at zits, why Seinfeld's last episode sucked. In general she is your Buddha, pay attention dammit! Yes they are expensive but so worth it, when you walk out of that spa your skin is going to be as clean as it's been since your last facial. A happy satisfied client is what we strive for, it's our best advertisement so go...run..book that facial! Estheticians unite!!

The Woolly Mammoth Returns

OK, I'm a couple weeks into my new job at a posh spa in Nashville, its going great love the area. Any who yesterday was a crazy busy day since I was the only esthy there. I had five facials and some waxing so it was intense all day. My last appointment of the day was a bikini wax great way to end it all face down in some lady's crotch, but I digress, she hadn't been waxed in...well at a guess I'd say years. The booking was for a bikini which to all the other esthys out there means what would show outside of a bikini bottom. Clients think a bikini means 'whatever I want you to wax until I tell you to stop'. Hey I'm OK with that but it's going to cost you more than the $40 you think you're going to pay. Yet again I digress, I come back into the room and the very nice lady warns me,'it's not pretty it's been awhile since I've been waxed' So I smile and say no problem and snap on my gloves. I barely hold back the shriek of horror when I remove her privacy towel. She wasn't kidding, there is hair(long hair)from mid inner thigh all the way to her anus. HOLY SHIT!!!! Well as it happens I forgot my little nippers to cut down the hair so this poor lady got waxed over hair that was almost two inches long. I couldn't find a damn pair of scissors anywhere so she was miserable, I was miserable and it took forever. I don't understand how some women can stand to let their hair grow so long. It kills me to let mine grow the 1/4 inch required to wax. In the few short weeks of my esthy career I have noticed a lot of women are sporting the 70's porn star look, who knew? My husband would die if I had the whole woolly mammoth thing going on down there. I mean doesn't it itch? Well at least their coming in to get rid of it....