Laying Down The Law...

I swear all the things I put in my blog entries are true. I know some of the things I post sound insane and couldn't have possibly happened but it does. My husband swears I am a magnet for all thing weird(what's that say about his weird ass, huh?) Still working at the cosmetology school and I must say things have either calmed or I've become accustomed to the chaos. Occasionally though I still have a gem of a day so grab some popcorn and prepare to say what the fuck at least twice. Fridays are always a busy day for us at the salon and this particular Friday was flowing smoothly, bump free...yippee. Up walks a client who just finished getting a head full of foils. Her hair looks great, she's smiling, days sunny, birds chirping Mr. Freaking Rogers is smiling down from above. I smile happily at the client and tell her she owes me $30(yeah we're that cheap, call now!) She begins to root through her purse and mumbles she can't find her check book. I hear her and explain that we don't take checks, cash and cards only. She gives me a deer in headlights look and says wow, I don't have either can I go to the bank and run it back up here? OK so at this point you're thinking surely our smart receptionist isn't going to let this girl go, right? You are wrong. See this has happened before, probably 10 times a week this happens. I let them go to the bank and back they come money in hand,yay! I was totally not worried about this little bitch(oops, anger issues)because her cousin is a student in OUR program. So off she goes with her cousin to eat lunch and make a bank run. Hour goes by and I still haven't seen her so I call her cousin, who is a student(who shall remain nameless)and tell her I need my money stat call the bitch(damn, still anger there). So she calls her and this little girl tells her she's already home and doesn't want to get back out...WTF?? I tell our student make your cousin call me and she does and she's got an attitude with me from jump and informs me she isn't coming back to pay me today she's at home and doesn't feel like getting back out and it's just too far for her to drive....WTF?? So I say as controlled as possible, you will bring me my money today or I'll file a police report against you..the choice is yours. She flips her lid completely calling me rude and how dare I speak to her that way and blah, blah, blah, she wants to talk to my boss and on and on. I let her go for a moment and then cut her off and explain to her that what she did was called stealing. If she went into a restaurant and ate $30 worth of food and walked out without paying it would be illegal because they are a business just like we are and that is called stealing. She just kept saying how inconvenient it was for her to drive all the way back. Are you fucking kidding me?? So I told her have my money here by 4:30 or you can go to jail and have some hard bitch named Bertha giving you forced fellatio at Metro...she showed up at 4:27 to pay. I was torn on the one hand I was glad I had my money...on the other hand I was upset for Bertha who is no doubt lonely and would love to have a little highlighted blond to occupy her bunk....Out Of Work Estheticians Unite!!!

Confessions of an Unpaid Daycare Worker....

Yes my friends, I'm still answering phones, and booking appointments. Do I miss esthetics? Sure, I do. Do I miss not making any money? Surely I don't. My current position is full of new crazy things on a daily basis. I never lack for a good funny story to entertain my working esthy friends. Lets take for example my most recent dilemma at the salon...follow me if you will...Growing up I don't ever recall my mother handing me a $20 and dropping me at the salon for hours on end. Up until I was old enough to drive myself my mom drove me, parked the car and sat in the shop and waited until the hairdresser made a hot mess out of my hair; I cried and we left(yeah,yeah,like you've never cried at the salon). At the place I'm at now it's nothing for a mom or dad to drop off a 7 year old in the parking lot and leave them with strangers for 3 to 4 hours. The first time it happened I was a bit shocked when this tee tiny girl quietly asked if she could use my phone to call her mom to pick her up. I blinked stupidly several times and said sure. Up pulls mom honks horn and off runs tee tiny little girl,struggling with our super heavy door out into the parking lot to be whisked away. At this point I started to take notice of all the kids that were just left in my care for an entire afternoon of hair maintenance As any of my friends will tell you I am not a babysitter, kids annoy me mostly. I talk to them like adults and I cuss...I mean I cuss a lot, more than most, and I don't censure myself for the little tike brigade. Don't get me wrong I have a kid, but he's just like me. Smart, sarcastic, and blunt to the point of being painful, and I love him for it. Now other kids I just don't mesh well with them. Not that the parents would know any of this because they never come in the salon....Please step back while I pull up my soap box...I mean I look sweet and nice and respectable but what the hell do they know?? I could be Chester the Molester and here they are dropping the fruit of their loins off with me and LEAVING..what the fuck are these people thinking. Do they never turn on America's Most Wanted or watch the damn Lifetime network? Do we need to bring back after school specials featuring Joe from The Facts of Life to remind them not everyone is OK to leave your kids with? Recently we had an 'incident' involving an 11 year old and chemicals(sounds bad but boy is her hair super straight now) and had to post a notice that any child under driving age would have to have an adult present for the duration of their service. You would not believe the pissed off moms I've got waiting in my reception area now. When I stop them as they make their mad dash out the door to go shopping or hit up Starbucks and explain to them they are going to have to pull up a chair and wait it out the head bobbing and eye rolling begins. I've had moms stop an appointment mid shampoo because they were on their lunch break and was dropping the kid off until they got off work FOUR HOURS later. We are a salon, not a daycare, not a parents day out center, not a YMCA kid drop, or a daycamp. Is it a cultural difference perhaps. I know I've mentioned it before but about 90% of our clients are African-American and granted their hair services tend to take longer but still who the hell in this day and age feels comfortable dropping off kids with strangers? Hell you can't even drop your kids at Sunday school now without wondering if one of the holy rollers are being inapprioate with Junior. So why in the world would you drop your kid off at a flipping salon for HOURS with 60 strangers of dubbish religion and race? Then have the audacity to yell at me about how I'm inconviencing you and your plans. Next time you drop your kids with me I'm going to make sure they have their brows waxed completely off and their hair colored a wonderful shade of pea green..guess what you can't bitch because you signed a consent form...Receptionist/Out of Work Estheticians Unite!!

Change is good....

So I'm thinking I should change the name of my blog.. Now I'm sure you, dear reader, are thinking why oh why would she mess with perfection(ok maybe you aren't thinking that) but whenever I search for my happy little blog using Google or Bing or Ask or whatever it always brings up some crazy myspace page that I'm sure is full of porn(I'm scared to click on it,damn spy ware!) Not that I'm against porn mind you(just Japanese porn it's just ugly), but if I give someone the name of my blog and it pulls up freckled porn stars, or people with freckles who like porn stars..it doesn't set a good precedence. Here's that conversation..ME'so did you have a chance to check out my blog?'YOU 'uhmmm...yeah it was uhmm..well it was enlightening' ME 'hmm, well I guess for people unfamiliar with my little world it could be enlightening' YOU 'uhmm, yeah never knew you had it in you..oh, damn I mean I knew you had it at one time, damn I mean I didn't know you liked, damn I gotta go'...Yeah, hence the name change. I'm thinking it should probably reflect more of what I'm about(bitch's blog is already taken,I checked) and not some cutesy little name that can be used by various fetish groups. Granted I'm not longer in esthetics, though I still do occasionally wax, peel, and facial..I don't do any of it on a regular basis. So should I change the concept altogether? You know just come on here and talk shit whenever I want about whatever I want rather than spa/hair/salon postings? Kind of like what I'm doing now, rambling on and on about zip,zilch, Nada?? Any who, I need a new name, any ideas? Something absurdly brilliant to suit my intellect and sparkling personality(OK you can stop laughing now). Yep, it's time for a name change...I'm tired of being mistaken for a hyper pigmented porn star....